Old Sages and Wagtails
by twentytwo guns
Summary: Minato is given up as a baby, and an Old Sage is roped into having to care for him. Can the Sekirei world take it? AU. Minatoxharem, maybe Naruxharem. Rated T for lots o' swearing, maybe made into 'M' at a later date or if I get told. First Fic! Bit of a crack fic. No slash, sorry.


**Disclaimer- I would love to say I own Sekirei and Naruto, because I would be rich! But I don't, so I'm not. Curse you logic!**

**Honestly there aren't very many great Sekirei stories, that don't have all the girls flocking to one guy. Come on, be realistic, like maybe two or three. So I thought, what the hell.**

**A bit of just random crack in this part, but hey, it's the prologue. Excessive swearing, but no adult themes... yet. **

"I hate all things peppy!" - Talking

'_Stupid teenagers.' _- Thinking

"..._wonderful_..._" _- Extra emphasis/ Example- Sarcasm,

"**techniques**"

"_There's no way a mere, handsome, SEXY, merchant like me could use something like Banki!" - Urahara Kisuke (Bleach)_

**Prologue- Meat chunks and baby names**

**~Valley of the End~**

Naruto stood sagging in exhaustion and dripping with blood against what was most likely one of the strongest men to walk the earth. He was garbed in only his torn and shredded black ANBU armor, his red sage trench coat had been vaporized long before now. Strapped diagonally across his back with the hilts sitting next to his hips, were two pitch black nodachi inside even darker sheaths.

The gaping wounds that littered his frame were steadily sealing up as black wisps of yōkai started to repair the damage. His long golden blond hair with black tips was still in the spiky ponytail style that had been coined by his once and only girlfriend, Anko Mitarashi.

On his face the whisker marks that once signified his status as jinchūriki of the nine tailed fox, the Kyuubi no Yoko, were now gone. In their place was a giant roman numeral ten across his right eye. (Looks like Iruka's scar over his right eye)

His mismatched Sharingan and Rinnegan eyes darkened as he calmly stared into the similar pair of his enemy. However unlike his enemy, his Rinnegan was a black scalia with four red rings around the pupil. His Sharingan, currently in it's Eternal Mangekyō Sharingan state, had a black scalia with a red whirlpool spinning into the center.

Only the Rinnegan was his by birthright, the Sharingan had been given to him by Kurama, the Kyuubi no Yoko, before he was assimilated. And he was assimilated into the Juubi due to failed plans by the delusional madman standing in front of him.

His last living enemy, Madara, stood proud and tall across from the jinchūriki. Sure, Madara thought, my plan is shot to hell and the Juubi is probably still running around trying to kill everything it can, but I still got to wipe that miserable excuse of a village off the map.

Madara's red samurai-like battle armor had a multitude of holes in it and looked like a blender turned on high had smashed him through a mountain. Though he was still standing without a scratch on him, smirking like he had already defeated his last troublesome enemy. Sadly, his gunbai had been broken after a severe attack by the half blond, but Madara wasn't worried.

After all, Madara thought, I would have killed the Shodaime Hokage and I lost only due to having used too much chakra to summon the Kyuubi. Madara wasn't worried in the slightest, Naru-something or other, was just a brat. And like the brat that he was, he would die. Painfully.

The area around them was littered with what once was the few remaining shinobi of the Alliance. Now they were in pieces, some had nothing more than a few fingers left to show their passing. The ground was filled with divots and chasms. The ground was just the product of the first five hours of fighting, the bodies were the product of the first five minutes.

Naruto had brought the last of the alliance to fight in a final stand. Evidently, they didn't survive. Madara's few allies had died months ago, the last being a mutated Kabuto who had taken down the last of Naruto's friends in his last few minutes.

So, having nothing left to live for and filled with an unimaginable amount of rage, Naruto gathered his group and went after Madara. It was foolish.

"Naruto, do you want to know what Tsunade said in her final moments?" Naruto could almost see the smug, dark amusement in Madara's voice his voice carried over the fifty feet between them.

"How about I rip your arms off and shove them in your ass!" Naruto replied with venom in his voice and an emotionless face. He had stopped showing much emotion during battles, and what little he did came from his voice. He knew that Madara was screwing with him, but that didn't mean he wanted to know any less.

"Actually she didn't say anything, she was too busy screaming and gagging as she was burning alive." Madara spoke in a gleeful tone, his face plastered with a demented, impossibly large smirk.

"I'm going to rip off your balls and shove them down your throat before I torch you." Naruto snarled before grabbing the handles of his nodachi and wrenching the out. The black blades and black wood hilts didn't shine when the light hit them, they absorbed it.

Naruto held the blades in a reverse grip sliding his right foot forward and crouching while his right hand slid closer to his chest and his left arm almost fully extended straight forward. Madara however, just crossed his arms and smirked.

Naruto activated his sage mode and felt the area around him already rotting as he tightened his hold on his nodachi.

"Don't blink. **Jinton: Furasshu satsujin(Speed release: Flash murder)**" Naruto said as he disappeared from Madara's view.

Naruto was running at Madara going speeds that surpassed even the Yondaime Hokage during his **Harashin** jutsu.

But Naruto knew it wasn't enough, they had been fighting at speeds like that throughout the entire battle.

Just as expected, when Naruto almost spontaneously appeared in front of Madara, mid slash, the blades passed right through him. Madara punched Naruto away from him but did not pursue him.

He liked to play with his prey.

"Don't tell me you're already done, Naru-chan. I thought you wanted to avenge your 'precious people'? Or were you lying?" Madara taunted. He went through a set of hand seals faster than almost anyone could see.

Having already hit the ground, now on a new level of pissed, and ready to rip the smug Uchiha a new one, Naruto heard the jutsu seconds before he saw it.

"**Katon: Gōka Mekkyaku (Fire Release: Great Fire Annihilation)"** A massive firestorm that turned everything in it's path to ashes came at him.

Naruto used a simple **kawarimi** to move out of the way rather than try and counter it.

As the log that took his place in the firestorm was destroyed, Naruto reappeared behind Madara with his swords ready.

He tried to land a hit on the immortal, but Madara saw it coming with his Sharingan and redirected the sword into the ground. Going with the momentum, Madara shoved an elbow at the former jinchūriki's face and took his other sword.

Naruto stumbled slightly from the elbow to the face, but still tried to snap kick Madara's chest.

The Uchiha merely used his unoccupied hand to grab the leg and pull the half blond to him. Madara immediately stabbed the former jinchūriki in the stomach with his own sword.

Madara just loved the irony of it. Too bad he was a clone.

The Naruto with the blade sticking out of him glowed for a second before exploding. But that was all Madara needed to get away from it.

Landing twenty feet away from the crater that occupied where he once was, the immortal Uchiha had only a brief glance of black armor before he heard a call of **"Shinra Tensei(Heavenly Subjugation of the Omnipresent God)"**

Madara was thrown far from Naruto before he managed to absorb the chakra in the technique.

Madara, having landed, extended one hand, **"Banshō Ten'in (Heavenly Attraction of All of Creation)"** Naruto was pulled across the battlefield towards Madara.

The half blond was doing hand seals while being pulled towards Madara, and he knew there was only one way to win this.

As soon as Madara had his hand around Naruto's neck, the former jinchūriki put his plan into action. Madara tried to snap Naruto's neck and kill him easily just to show who was the stronger, but he couldn't move.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!" Madara yelled at the half dead jinchūriki in his grasp. He was so close to finally winning... so close.

"**Kageshibari no Jutsu(Shadow Bind Technique) **success**"** Naruto muttered as he finished his hand seals and dropped his hands, Madara did the same and dropped his hands.

"You aren't a Nara, how are you doing this!" Madara yelled out, still thrashing and trying to get away from the jutsu. "Why can't I absorb this jutsu?! It was never this strong before!"

"Teme, we have the same eyes! When you try to absorb the chakra, I just take it before you get it. And you can't break it because this jutsu is based on the user's strength of will. My will to avenge my precious people is stronger than your selfish want to rule the world." Naruto sneered at Madara.

They then both began doing the same hand seals. "I want you to know...when we get to the Shinigami's stomach...I'm going to spend all of eternity... kicking you around..."

Naruto slammed his hands into the ground along with Madara. As they did, he called out, **"Summoning Jutsu"**

In a poof of smoke the Shinigami appeared behind Naruto, and Madara started screaming out curses.

The death god, ignoring the screaming man in front of him, turned to Naruto. **"Please tell me that you were the one that summoned me."**

Naruto stood and bowed to the Shinigami, with Madara doing the same thing a few feet away cursing all the while.

"Hai, Shinigami-sama. I was the one who summoned you. I wish to bargain with my soul for the sealing of the soul of Madara Uchiha." Naruto said in a polite tone with his head bowed in a submissive posture. Just the sight of Madara doing the same off to the side made this all the sweeter.

"**You ningen have summoned me more in these sixteen years then I think I have ever been summoned before." **The death god muttered to himself before pushing and arm through Naruto's chest and reaching towards Madara.

Madara who was panicking tried everything he could, and in his desperation he overpowered the jutsu holding him to activate a **Kamui**.

Unfortunate for all those involved, including the death god, the Shinigami's hand already had a hold on Madara's soul. The **Kamui** started to warp and distort all three and even as their surroundings started to swirl away, they saw a mass of raw chakra heading towards them.

The Jyuubi, who had arrived soon after the Death God did, charged up an **Immari** just to spite both the God who had helped seal it and the one who tried to control it. As it was about to launch the **Immari**, the primordial god saw the other's hand go through the blond ningen and latch onto the other ningen.

The Jyuubi launched the **Immari** and saw the space around the three start to distort, but ignored it to move on and wreak more havoc upon the ningen world.

The three saw the **Immari **too late to dodge, if they could even move. But as it got closer, the space distortion around them started increase. A small black hole appeared between the Shinigami, Naruto and Madara. As the **Immari **touched the edge of the space distortion, the small black hole started to enlarge at an increasing pace.

Madara started to feel a slight drain on his MASSIVE chakra reserves, but as time progressed and the black hole grew, so did the draining.

Within the span of seconds Madara's chakra reserves were drained completely and he was finally pulled into Naruto by the Shinigami. The Shinigami then felt a pull on his form of existence on that plane.

As he was _the_ Death God, not those little brat imitations or their little _king_, he didn't have chakra or any other type of energy, nor did any of the other gods. They just willed things into being. However that didn't apply to their own bodies, and that didn't mean he wanted to have his body in this plane of existence ripped apart by some pissant little black hole. It would take a while to get it back, and it was annoying to have to wait!

The Shinigami tried to rip his hand from Naruto and inadvertently lost his ring finger in the process. It was sucked inside the blonde's seal before the finger could either be retrieved or sucked into the black hole, just as Madara was before it.

The Shinigami floated away from the blonde and outside the space distortion. He could see the blonde's form shimmering in and out of existence.

'**Well... I don't think I'll be getting my finger back for a while... Interesting.' **The god thought to himself, before sighing.

Hell, how could it not be interesting with this little mortal. The poor little guy was practically cursed to be Fate's bitch, and Fate was a major sadist. The Death God should know, he still had the marks from last time.

While the god was rubbing what seemed to be his backside and muttering about 'preachy, latex wearing, sadists', Naruto felt himself being pulled into the black hole. It was now the size of a small horse and had stopped growing.

Naruto stuck his feet and hands to the ground with chakra, and it worked... Till the ground started going with him.

Naruto yelled at the god that was still in his daze, "YOU! Don't just float there! I summoned you, HELP ME!"

Naruto's scream stopped the reminiscing Death God, and forced him to pay attention. What he saw... didn't shock him all that much. It was pretty much expected at this point. The way he saw it was simple.

Mortal sucked into hole.

Hole closes.

Mortal dead or dying.

He gets back his finger.

Then he throws a big party for all the deities and hopefully racks up a few points with Amaterasu.

Seriously, the way her body moved when she walked was criminal! Actually could gods even be convicted of crimes? Come on, their gods. Wait, what did they punish the Jyuubi for again? Something to do with trying to wipe out something else... Life? Meh, not like it matt-

A scream brought the Death God's focus to the black hole which was now closing. The little mortal seemed to have gone through the hole. In less than a minute, the black hole was gone entirely.

The Shinigami looked down at his left hand expectantly, his ring finger missing. He stayed there floating, invisible to all those that came to find the little mortal, waiting for his missing finger.

After five days of staring at his hand, the Death God sighed and relented. So the brat wasn't dead... Damn.

Mortals - 1; Shinigami - 153,441,350,658,493,250 and counting...

He really hoped that Fate didn't hear about what happened to her plaything. Who was he kidding, he could practically hear Fate's riding crop.

* * *

**~World in between all worlds~**

Truth was having a great millennia, he got to screw with so many people that it was turning out to be the most active he's ever been. Plus he finally got that stupid boys body. Ah, sweet flesh...

Actually the meat suit was getting rather disgusting recently...

While Truth was contemplating whether he should rip off his 'meat suit' or not, the Gate was opening behind him.

However when Truth finally turned around and looked at the gate he was only mildly surprised( he already knew what was happening, he was just ignoring it). Truth was only the slightest bit perturbed when a twenty something looking man burst from the Gate and skidded to a stop in front of him.

His first thought was, 'Holy shit, someone else actually has that hair color too!'

Truth's musings about hair color and trans dimensional travelers having multiple children in other realities were cut tragically short when the blonde groaned. Truth then gave a smirk that looked outright evil on the face he was wearing, and appeared in front of the man.

Naruto slowly and shakily got up after groaning and was startled to see a teenager with extremely blonde hair just standing in front of him with a vicious looking smirk. He gulped and asked the obvious question, "Where am I?"

Truth's smirk grew even wider, seemingly defying the laws of physics as his head now looked half full of sparkling white sharpened teeth. However as he was about to enter one of his mind shattering rants, the man started to glow.

His smirk faltered just a bit as he watched the man start panicking. Then, he exploded in a shower of meaty little chunks. Flinging a bit of human hamburger off of his red trench coat, Truth looked at the massive blood stain and chunks littered everywhere.

His predominant thoughts on the matter were, 'That escalated quickly', which then drifted into, 'How the hell am I going to clean this up?'

* * *

**~Tokyo - 11:47 P.M. - March, 4~**

In the dead of night, on the fourth of March, a figure moved in a flowing gait down a deserted Tokyo sidewalk. The moon was high and bright, but the cold and utter dreariness of the night persuaded all but the most determined of people to stay inside.

However this figure was on a mission, and wouldn't be swayed from their goal. For if they hesitated for even a second, the figure might lose their conviction. That was not something the figure was willing to risk.

So, resolved to their deed, the figure walked to the house of the rumored sage. The sage was said to be a kind old man who liked to stay in his house for most of the time. However this did not stop the old man from going outside most days and helping all those he could. The sage was basically considered to be the streets very own version of a 'kindly old man'. The rumors about the 'kindly old man' being the one who wrote a world renown ero novel were all discredited, seeing as no one could ever think of the old man, who had been living in the same house for longer than almost anyone, as a pervert.

It was the figure's hope that the 'kindly old man' would take in the child that it was carrying a basket hid within it's robes. Though it pained the figure, it was best for the child to stay away from his family. Or more specifically, his father. It was the right thing for the child... but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Resolute in its decision, the figure reached the old sage's door and placed the basket holding the sleeping babe on the porch. The cloaked figure pulled a letter from the folds of it's clothing and placed it on the babies basket.

The cloaked person let a single tear fall onto the sleeping babe's forehead, waking him. The figure leaned down and kissed the baby's head and whispered, "Be a good boy, Minato. Stay in school... and if I find out you were bad, I'll..." The figure couldn't finish its threat as it gave a choked sob, and rang the doorbell to the old sage's home.

The figure dashed off into the night, never looking back.

The old sage open his door and looked around. The sage was a man that looked somewhere over ninety, with a bald head, bushy eyebrows, many scars, a long beard, billowing black robes, and geta wooden sandals. His eyes looked like they were closed, cut he could still see. (think Yamamoto/bleach)

He chuckled, as he thought the neighborhood kids were playing a prank. But just as he was about to go back inside and close his door, the sage heard a soft whimper.

He looked down, and to his astonishment, there was a baby laying a small basket with a letter on it's chest whimpering. The old sage leaned farther outside his doorway, and looked down both ways of the street. The street was deserted.

The old sage heaved a sigh and looked down upon the child who had by now stopped his whimpering and seemed to be falling asleep. He reached down and plucked the letter off the babe.

On the front the letter simply had _'Old Man'_ in neat calligraphy, causing another round of soft chuckles from the sage. He opened the letter and unfolded it,

'_Old Sage/Man,_

_I'm sorry to ask this of you, hell I don't even know if you are still alive or if you'll treat him right, but I need you to take care of my son. I can't take care of him because of his father, and if I tried to put him up for adoption his father would undoubtedly find him._

_Please I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart, take care of my little sochi.-'_

The old sage skimmed over most of the rest of the letter, honestly she had him at 'Old Man'. Anyone who had the balls to say that deserved his respect, even if it was a letter. He did frown however at reading the part about the poor boy's father.

'_-his name is Minato, and please I ask that you give him your name.'_

Well that was asking a bit much, but what the hell. It's not like he had any kids to give his name to anyway.

He folded the letter back up and looked down at the babe in the basket at his feet, sighed once more and picked him up. Cradling the child in his arms the old sage whispered, "Welcome home, little one. I guess I should call you Uzumaki Minato, or what about Namikaze. You could be just like my dad."

The baby just giggled up at the funny sounding man with a lot of hair, and the old man chucked back. "No, I know just what to call you, Uzumaki-Namikaze Minato."

Then the old sage caught the scent of the most horrifying thing to all men, "Did you just soil yourself?" The sage asked the baby in his arms, only to receive a gurgle. Thankfully the baby had a diaper on. The sage groaned, but then realized something.

"How the hell do I take care of a baby?"

* * *

**Hate the fight scene? Love it? Then wonderful! You get a cookie! R&R, don't care if it's a flame as long as it has something I could improve on.**


End file.
